The gift of dwelling in the in-between

Years ago, my Christian therapist handed me a book, “When Things Fall Apart” written by a Buddhist nun named Pema Chodron. I was struggling so hard to escape the miserable and difficult place I found myself in. The anxiety and depression had a strangle hold on my life. The challenge of my therapist was to stop struggling and get comfortable in the “in-between” and learn from it. Let me tell you more.

Learning about the “in-between” from eastern spirituality

The practices and concepts of eastern spirituality have long deepened my personal faith. In particular, the concept of inhabiting the “in-between.” One of my favorite authors, Pema Chodron, describes it like this, “Anxiety, heartbreak, and tenderness mark the in-between state.” All of us are in the “in-between” at different times in our lives. How we respond to those difficult and uncomfortable moments is an area in which eastern spirituality can help.

As a Christian, I have been taught to trust God during the hard times. I read stories in the Bible about people who have struggled and leaned on God to find their way. Even Jesus often left his disciples to go and pray to his Father. In the practices of eastern spirituality, there is much emphasis on the practices which help us “sit” with our discomfort. Meditation and prayer mean much the same thing in my daily practice, but I’m quieter during meditation…open to what God says to me. Making prayer/meditation a daily practice has enhanced my faith and makes it much easier during hard times. The practice of quiet and solitude have a rich history in Christianity, too. Try spending 5-10 minutes each day sitting in silence and not fighting the discomfort. It will become easier over time and what you learn will be worth it.

How to interact with the “in-between”

In her writing, Pema Chodron, often discusses what it is like when we get “hooked.” You know that feeling when someone touches on a sensitive topic or points out an insecurity, the first response is to tense and let the feelings feed on each other as we seethe inside or act out. Buddhists are encouraged to notice the reaction and sit with it. What happens if instead of reacting or creating an internal dialogue, we just get curious?

” It’s the kind of place we usually want to avoid. The challenge is to stay in the middle rather than buy into struggle and complaint. The challenge is to let it soften us rather than make us more rigid and afraid. Becoming intimate with the queasy feeling of being in the middle of nowhere only makes our hearts more tender. When we are brave enough to stay in the middle, compassion arises spontaneously. By not knowing, not hoping to know, and not acting like we know what’s happening, we begin to access our inner strength.”

– Pema Chodron

As a Christian, that last part really strikes a chord. If we just sit for a moment, the result is compassion. The world is a place filled with argument, noise and hostility some days. What if we ask God to help us observe and learn from these moments? What if we don’t assume we know the answers and open ourselves to God’s spirit? It seems to me that the choice to soften and listen is where my free will comes into play. It’s so difficult, but there are times…however, brief…when we become open to the Divine. For me, those times happen in the “in-between.”

How are blue holidays an opening for the “in-between”?

So, what is all this talk about the teachings of eastern spirituality and Christian practices of prayer and meditation doing in in an essay on blue holidays? Well, throughout my life, the holidays bring up all kinds of feelings. There is the stress of all the running around to find the perfect gifts, preparing everyone’s favorite foods and of course the obligatory parties and family get-togethers. For an introvert like me, this is stressful during a good year.

But this year is hard, my dad passed away unexpectedly and suddenly just four months ago. Sure, I could try to put on a smile and go through the motions of the holidays. But is that really ever the point? We are in the “in-between” place in the Christian calendar. Many years ago, people were waiting for the promised Messiah. They were uncomfortable and anxious. When Jesus finally came, he was definitely born in the “in-between” place in Mary and Joseph’s life together. God is all about the “in-between” places. He is waiting for us to soften and receive His blessings and encouragement. If you’re like me and it’s a particularly hard year, work on spending time in silence, prayer and meditation. Listen for God’s “still small voice.” The answer to our difficult and uncomfortable seasons is hope…and the holidays are the perfect time to receive it.

Next week: Meeting God in the “thin places”